Stop Carrying What Isn’t Yours

Michael E Hattaway

Today, I'm joined by Faith. A brother that is not only a friend; but a mentor. Faith, I kept looking at the spreadsheet, Faith, like... like if I stared at those numbers long enough, the clinic would magically bend to my will. It was late, maybe two in the morning, and the noise in my head was deafening. I was pushing so hard on something I couldn't move. And the harder I pushed, the thinner the actual results got. My effort was incredibly noisy, but entirely useless.

Faith

Thank you Michael, it's great to be here with you today. Mm. That's it right there. It is the illusion that if we just sweat enough, we can force the wind to blow our way. But Epictetus... he laid down that clean divide two thousand years ago. Some things are up to us, and some things are not. When we try to run the parts that aren't ours, that's where the anxiety takes root.

Michael E Hattaway

It’s the classical Stoic distinction. *Ta eph' hemin*—the things in our power—and *ta ouk eph' hemin*—the things outside it. But let’s be honest about what we do. We- we wear that exhaustion like a badge. We think white-knuckling our way through a situation is a sign of high character. But a lot of the time... it’s just fear wearing work boots.

Faith

Fear wearing work boots. Man, that hits. Because we tell ourselves we're being responsible. We say, "I'm just carrying the weight of my family, or my business." But if you can't directly choose the outcome, you are actually stealing a burden that doesn't belong to you. You can't choose if the client says yes. But you can choose the next call, the next rep, the next honest sentence you speak. That's your territory.

Michael E Hattaway

Right, right. You control the input, never the outcome. But the brain... um, the brain hates that. Dopamine loves the fantasy of the guaranteed result. So we- we overplan, we replay conversations from yesterday, we check the stats every four minutes. We’re trying to buy certainty with worry. It’s a bad trade, Faith. It- it doesn't work.

Faith

It never has. It’s like trying to hold back the tide with a broom. You just end up wet and exhausted, and the ocean doesn't care. There’s a point where you have to look at the work you did, put the tools down, and admit you aren't the one who makes the grass grow.

Michael E Hattaway

Let's- let's clarify this, because some guy is listening to this right now thinking, "Oh, so I just give up? I just let go and float downstream?" No. That is passivity. We are talking about surrender. Real surrender is active. It means you release the fantasy of controlling the results, so you can actually focus all your energy on the process you can execute right now, today.

Faith

That’s the difference between a man who is faithful and a man who is obsessed. The faithful man does his part, and then he leaves the rest to God. He understands that some burdens... they’re just too large for human hands to hold. It’s like Proverbs says about trusting with all your heart and not leaning on your own understanding. It’s a posture of release. You do the work, then you hand over the keys.

Michael E Hattaway

"Hand over the keys." I like that. It’s- it's highly practical. Because when you stop trying to manage the universe, you suddenly have a lot more energy for your actual duties. So, look... let's make this concrete for tonight. When you lay down, do an evening review. What did you actually control today? Keep it simple. And tomorrow morning, spend five steady minutes with a passage or a single Stoic line before you look at your phone. Just five minutes to ground yourself. And reach out to one brother this week. Don't carry the quiet noise alone.

Faith

Yeah. And brothers, if today is heavy, you are not alone in this trench. If you’re struggling and need to talk to someone, please hear this: In the US, call or text 988, any time. Veterans, dial 988 then press 1. There is no shame in letting another man help you hold the line.

Michael E Hattaway

Absolutely. None at all. Let the iron sharpen you.

Faith

Until next time, stand firm, stay faithful, and remember: As iron strengthens iron, so one man strengthens another. Take one step tonight, and ask yourself... what is that one outcome you are still trying to hold in a closed fist? Michael, it's always a pleasure to dwell together in unity. Thanks for the invite today - I look forward to the next time we can share time together.

Michael E Hattaway

Faith, it's always a pleasure to speak with you. If you're listening to this and would like to have Faith on more often. Drop Faith in the comments and I'll be sure to find a place for Faith on another episode. Until next time, remember - Stop Carrying What Isn't Yours. Take one step tonight to change one outcome.